One old man was sitting on a park bench talking to a new acquaintance. "I'll tell you," he said, "I've learned that arthritis is the cruelest disease."
"Crueler than cancer?" his friend asked.
"You bet," the first old guy replied. "It makes every single one of your joints stiff, except the right one."
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q: How do you know that you've got a high sperm count?
A: Your girlfriend chews before she swallows.
Many years ago, 2 coppers find a motorcyclist stranded in a blizzard, still half a tank of petrol but nothing getting through to the carbs.
Being old and wise they realised that the snow had frozen blocking the tank cap vent, and being inventive, they freed it by pouring warm bodily fluids (and there's only one easy source for that) over the cap.
Motorcyclist duly carried on, and a few days later, the officers were a bit astonished to find a letter of thanks from the biker's father.
He thanked them for helping out his daughter when she broke down!
End.